Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
