Jerry, you need to find god
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize