I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
