My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
