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when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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