Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
