I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
