im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
