I think i sorta joined a cult last night
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
