my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
