Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
