hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
