we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
