Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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