Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
