The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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