So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize