The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
