I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
