we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
