i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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