So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
