I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize