dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
