Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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