i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
