sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
