I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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