i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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