Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
