Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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