I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
