but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
