ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize