Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
