That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
