How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
