i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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