Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
