Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
