and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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