Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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