well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
