3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
