Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize