Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
