and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
