My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
