y did u give ur computer a hand job?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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