Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
