I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Sorry my hands just texted you
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize