Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
