omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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