Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
