Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
