atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
