): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
