i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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