Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
