i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
