so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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