She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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