I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I need moral support for this bender
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
