How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
