i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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