i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
