I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize