i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
What a dumb baby whore.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize