dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
