He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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