My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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