did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
