eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
