Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
