Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize