did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize