just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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