So drunk, too bad you don't want this
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
