Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
